I am a procrastinator. There I have said it. It’s taken me days to write that.
Not always. I can make quick and decisive decisions at work, in my personal life, buying things. I am not a ditherer. It’s good to be decisive, though on the basis of the latest compilation of Black America Sings The Beatles album I just bought, some due diligence would be wise…
Hasty decisions in my love life have been disastrous, and explain how I ended up on a date with a methodist Vicar’s daughter in 1987, accompanied by her disapproving father and mother (I was a Catholic boy of Irish extraction and took their daughter to a pub – you can safely assume there was not a second date. God loves a trier, but protective abstinent Methodist vicars do not…).
But big decisions need thought. And I am sometimes a bit guilty of over-thinking - I can be quick to make calls in my job, though sometimes I will overthink things for ages. Planning holidays can take me forever (thank God for Mrs JO'B). One decision that has frankly been the worst example of this is getting a tattoo. I have wanted one for years. That’s not an exaggeration, I have been thinking about this for some ten years. I seriously decided I was going to do something in 2019 and Mrs JO’B bought me a voucher. But then I found an excuse to defer it – the date they gave me for my appointment was the 1st anniversary of my old man’s passing. And he would definitely not approve – even more than the aforementioned Methodist vicar (though that might be a close call).
My old man (JO’B the 1st) was a cautious and careful man. He was kind, generous, loving – a great dad. But he was a worrier. And he would have seen a tattoo as rebellious, against the establishment and order of things – I can hear him saying “get a tattoo and you’ll never work again”. Bless his cotton socks. So, I asked to rearrange the appointment (doing something he would have hated was not the way I wanted to remember him that day). Then a new job got in the way, then Covid and lockdown and time drifted away.
My mam would have been equally horrified, but more from a medical perspective. She was a nurse and would have warned me of all sorts of worst case scenarios and every possible infection, disease and health risk she could think of. Again, another worrier. No wonder I am a such a worrier too! She would also have panicked that I would never meet a nice girl if I had a tattoo (fortunately, I already have and Mrs JO’B loves it).
But ignoring the voices of my much missed folks, I couldn't let the idea go. My cousins Emma and Melissa have many and egged me on, as did children of friends. Several of my friends recently had tattoos and all said how pleasant it had been. So, I finally bit the bullet and sorted an appointment, inspired by Clare Ruby’s excellent fine line tattoo of a swimmer, a recent first time tattooer herself. She recommended The London Social – fine line sounded less scary and I booked it in, just before the end of 2024, so I could finally deliver on a much postponed new year’s resolution.
But what to get? When I first talked about this, I just wanted script – the song title Irish Blood, English Heart. I loved Morrissey and that title sort of summed up how I felt (not quite English, not quite Irish). An ex wisely advised me that Morrissey will undoubtedly say something stupid and offensive and did I really want to be permanently marked with his words? She was not wrong…
So, I thought back to what I loved about music. Gigs were hard to sum up in a simple image, a vinyl record would have had a lot of shading in and that looked a bit scary for a first time tattoo. I settled on a compilation tape. I spent my teenage years carefully listening to the radio and taping songs, with a level of precision missing from the rest of my life, as I made sure to cut out the banal chitter chatter of dreadful Radio 1 DJs like Mike Read, Simon Bates or Dave Lee Travis. That progressed to compilation tapes (later CDs and even mini discs), which I would obsessively make. If you received a mixtape from me in the 80s, I probably fancied you but couldn’t say (procrastination again). Later I was a bit of a zealot, pushing compilations of music I thought people should be listening to (something I still do, though Spotify makes this SO much easier).
Though I was very chuffed when I had a CD to CD deck and then Mini-Disc player, tapes were my first love. My school bag was chocker full of tapes, rather than school books (my very average O level results are easily explained). Those birthday cards that show a pencil and a cassette tape and have some ‘hilarious’ joke about if you remember these and what to do, you are old. Well, I clearly am, having wound back many tapes with a chewed HB pencil rather than waste precious battery life for my Sony Walkman.
A cassette was the only option – but what to write on it? My later 90s compilation tapes were all called ‘Top Banana’ – it was a phrase used by Paul, one of the Ents Managers at my university and I loved it. Being the little thieving magpie I am, that entered my everyday lexicon of stock phrases and expressions. I still use it most weeks. My friend Natalie even made a playlist from an old Top Banana tape I made her that she found, a few years ago. So, a tattoo of a cassette with the words ‘Top Banana” would be perfect, a nice call back to my lifelong obsession with music.
After a few email exchanges and a quick call with India, who was great, it was all sorted. I was booked in to meet Kezia at London Social in Angel (they also have a place in Soho) on Monday 30th December. They sent me her Instagram tag and initially I was a little horrified – these tattoos were not my taste and seemed far from the fine line work I wanted. But then I realised I was looking at the wrong account (phew!). I checked out Kezia's actual work and it was great, exactly the sort of thing I had in mind - fine, intricate lines, much relief was felt.
As I headed up to Islington, I listened to Jennifer She Said by Lloyd Cole & The Commotions, the best song about tattoo regret ever. Possibly not the wisest choice, but hey ho.
The guy on reception (whose name I rudely can’t remember as I was nervous) was smiley, welcoming and excited when I told him it was my first tattoo. India came out to welcome me and I was quickly introduced to Kezia. We chatted and she had already worked on three versions of the cassette on her iPad, which was amazing. We settled on the initial idea I had shared, but she tidied this up and we discussed the font – I hadn’t thought of that! We quickly agreed that my own handwriting was NOT the answer. Great for authenticity, but less good for being able to read the damn thing. My handwriting is that of a spider on a particularly bad acid trip.
We settled on a clean, modern but classic typeset and were away. But then Kezia asked me if there was anything else I wanted to see…the procrastination kicked in. Was ‘Top Banana’ what I really wanted? Would I regret it? Oh no! Anxiety swelled in my stomach, but I think I maintained a façade of calm, and asked if she could show me the same image with ‘Back In Black(heath)’? I explained that this was my music blog, something I started after a mental health wobble in 2021, on the advice a very good and very kind GP.
With no hesitation, Kezia worked up both options and we looked at each – ‘Top Banana’ has a nice history to it, but means less now, whereas ‘Back In Black(heath)’ is where I am these days (or at least when I get the chance). So, a last minute substitution was made. Again, much internal stomach wrenching took place as Kezia headed off to print out a transfer of all options, but it was a good call. When I saw the transfer on my arm, I knew it was the right thing. And Kezia preferred the story, so the choice was made.
Kezia chatted away to me, as she carefully shaved my arm, cleaned it thoroughly and gently started to ink my arm. We discussed mental health, tattoos, our shared Irish heritage (she also has Ukrainian and Dutch forebears), plus her chap is Irish too. We discussed tattoo regrets – one guy messaged her after a tattoo a few months later, wanting to change it. She was worried he didn’t like her work – however, her work was perfect, but the lover he had romantically inked on his body was no longer as perfect as she once was and no longer the recipient of his affections (Lloyd Cole knew what he was on about, he really did). I was pretty safe with a cassette.
At every stage she checked in if I was ok, but I can honestly say it did not hurt in the slightest. A scratch here and there, but NOTHING like my fight or flight worrying paranoia feared. I was so relaxed, I could have easily fallen asleep as it was being done.
India had said when I booked that the longest bit might be the consultation, choosing the final design rather than the actual tattoo itself, and she was not wrong. The whole thing took an hour and three quarters and it was done. I had snuck an occasional look as Kezia diligently worked away and it looked amazing! The finished product was exactly how I had imagined it. My arm looked a little red, but really there was no pain at all. A protective second skin was applied, Kezia talked me through the aftercare (and London Social sent me notes via email later). And we were done. I was ecstatic.
I shook hands with Kezia and trundled off down the Essex Road, feeling elated. But then there was the real test – what would Mrs JO’B say? I called her excitedly and babbled on at her, then finally sent her a picture, anxiously waiting a response. But she loved it – phew!
It will take two or three weeks for it all to properly heal, but I am already thinking about tattoos 2 and 3. My cousin Melissa said it’s addictive and she is not wrong. My list of addictions (Fred Perrys, vinyl, gigs) may have a new companion and competitor for my affections…
If you are thinking about a tattoo, I would thoroughly recommend Kezia – her Instagram account is @xenia_tats and check out @thelondonsocial – their website is www.thelondon.social and they have studios in Soho and Angel.
And if you haven’t done it for a while, go and make a great compilation tape (ok, playlist!.). You can check out my latest here - Hey, Mr. Churchill come over here…it's the Back In Black(heath) Xmas The Best of 2024.
Any buyer's regret? 24 hours later, definitely not! One hurdle left - my Melbourne-based mother-in-law may not approve...long sleeves shirts for future trips to Australia may be the order of the day!
Stay safe, and if you enjoyed this, please subscribe (see link below), x
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